Straight Guys Having Gay Sex: “It Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay”

11th August 2016 Mark Ward

Straight Guys Having Gay Sex: “It Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay”

August 11, 2016 Gay Pop Buzz Popix

Can “straight guys” who occasionally hookup with gay men really still call themselves straight?

Recently, we read an article in GQ’s Guyliner that examined the issue of straight men and gay sex. In a nutshell, the piece explored how some “heteros” feel that just because they’ve hooked up with other men, it doesn’t mean they’re gay.

The piece itself speaks to a growing trend among some men who are pushing back against the use of labels. And that trend does appear to be backed up by scientific research.

At one time, there was a clear delineation between gay, straight and bi. Now-a-days, the lines have become blurred. Just consider the number of celebrities, such as Nico Tortorella, who have chosen to self-identify as “sexually fluid”.

Straight Guys, Gay Sex and Labels

As suggested by the Guyliner piece and borne out in the research, we are currently seeing an evolution in the thinking about what it means to be gay. However, the definition of “gay” isn’t being rethought by homosexual men but instead, thier heterosexual counterparts.

So why are so many straight guys distancing themselves from using the word gay, yet fully embracing same sex experiences?

We decided to consult with Dr. Tyler Fortman, clinical faculty member of Northwestern University’s Feinberg’s School of Medicine about the issue. Fortman also is a contributor to this site.

“When you hear a guy adamantly identify as straight but acknowledges at the same time he occasionally has sex with other men, you are witnessing echoes of homophobia.”

Photo Credit: William Means

Straight Guys and Gay Experiences

Consider this confession of a same sex encounter offered by Zac in the Guyliner piece. He’s a 25-year old videographer who reflects back upon getting it on with another dude.

“I’d only ever been with girls and had never really been sexually attracted to any guys.

He goes on to provide specifics about something that happened five years earlier in his life.

“When I was 20 a load of our sixth form year got together for a party. George was a guy from my year I’d known fairly well but never been close to.

We were both fairly drunk and I remember just feeling happy to see him for the first time in ages and for some reason, knowing he was gay, I kissed him rather than hugging him. We chatted for a bit and then we both carried on with the night – not really thinking much about it.”

But in the shank of the night, the kisses transformed into something more.

“Later on, we were both alone on the landing and he kissed me again. This time, for some reason, I didn’t really stop him and before long we were fully making out – we snuck into one of the bedrooms and one thing led to another.”

What’s notable here is the presence of alcohol. Zac qualifies his gay sex experience with George by stating, “We were both fairly drunk”.

It’s important to point this out because for many straight guys who hookup with gay men, blaming the use of substances for sexual behaviors acts as a permission slip to temporarily go gay.

There’s a word for this in case you may not know and it’s called heteroflexibility.

Zac sums things up on his hookup with George by stating the following:

“I did enjoy myself. I suppose I’m quite a sexually liberal person and didn’t really think of it as being ‘gay’, it was just fun and at the time I was enjoying it.”

Perhaps the most telling part of what he told Guyliner is the following:

“I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed. I still identify as straight and don’t think I’d initiate something with a bloke, but put in the same situation I could see myself doing it again.”

So does this mean Zac is gay? What about bisexual? Or technically, does he qualify as being the previously mentioned “heteroflexible?”

According to Zac, it’s the latter.

“One of my uni [university] friends described himself as ‘hetero-flexible’ and I reckon that’s probably where I am at too. I don’t think repeating it would make me ‘gay’. I’m not attracted to them but I can appreciate men who are attractive.”

Straight Guys and Gay Labels

One reader of this blog named Anthony recently sent us his accounting of multiple gay hookups with an early 30’s, straight, married doorman named Kyle.

He explains that while using the building’s gym, he and Kyle would occasionally workout together – and sometimes retreat to the sauna.

“I don’t know how it happened but I started to feel something from him. His demeanor just seemed different than the other times we had been in that sauna before. I can’t explain it. You just know when someone is interested.”

As part of his accounting, Anthony explains that he serviced the doorman on four different occasions, all of which involved Anthony blowing Kyle – with no reciprocation.

Because the doorman never really touched Anthony, would he consider himself to be gay? While this isn’t revealed in the story, it’s fair to say that he might be classified as MSM; a newer term to describe men who have sex with men withoutusing the label “gay”.

We’d like to state that for all of the pushback against labels, they can serve a practical function. Labels not only help categorize, they also assist folks with coming to terms with who they are.

But there does seem to be a purposeful shunning of the term “gay”. In fact, many within the LGBTQ continuum have now started to use the label “Queer”; something some gay males find offensive.

Why Straight Men Have Gay Sex

Given the cultural trend lines, we recently decided to research some of the causal reasons behind heterosexual guys who engage in same sex experiences – and still consider themselves straight.

What we discovered was that many same sex encounters happened as a result of masculine curiosity, coupled with situational dynamics. For example, men sharing cells with one another prison.

But we also learned by reading the book: “Not Gay” by Jane Ward that many straight guys will hookup with another man to prove they aren’t homosexual. This is similar to how a gay guy might sleep with a woman to test his sexuality.

And of course there are the straight guys who will temporarily go gay if the price is right; also known as “gay for pay”.

Final Thoughts

Why men who identify as straight engage in homosexual experiences continues to be studied by researchers. What’ clear is that using the term “gay” when describing these encounters still carries a negative connotation.

As shared in the Guyliner piece from GQ, “Gay” sex acts aren’t something to be ashamed of. But on the same token, if you’re man to hook up with another dude and still label yourself as straight, at least be open to acknowledging you did somethinggay.

The truth is, many “straight” guys would never have the freedom to choose what label they want to use, including heteroflexible and sexually fluid, had it not been for the many sacrifices gay men have made over the years.

Much of that cultural transformation happened in the face of violence, bloodshed and death.

h/t Guyliner and Queerty

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By: John Hollywood

Source: GAY POP BUZZ